Emotional Resilience For Leaders

Empathy isn’t soft it’s a superpower. Used wrong, it burns leaders out. Here’s how to make it sustainable. Empathic orgs see more creativity, helping, resilience and less burnout and attrition. Employees (esp. Millennials/Gen Z) now expect it. Wearing the “empathy helmet” means you feel everyone’s highs and lows. Middle managers fry first. Caring ≠ self-sacrifice. The fix = Sustainable empathy Care without collapsing by stacking: self-compassion → tuned caring → practice. So drop the martyr mindset. • Notice your stress (name it) • Remember it’s human & shared • Talk to yourself like you would a friend • Ask for help model it and your team will too Why does this matter? Unchecked stress dulls perspective and spikes reactivity. When leaders absorb nonstop venting, next-day negativity rises and so does mistreatment. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Move 2: Tune your caring Two empathies: • Emotional empathy = feel their pain • Empathic concern = help relieve it Keep concern high, distress low. “Caring binds; sharing blinds.” How to tune (in the moment) • 60 seconds of breathing before hard talks • Validate without absorbing: “This is hard and it makes sense.” • Boundaries + presence: “I’m here. Let’s focus on next steps.” • Offer concrete help: “Here’s what we’ll try by Friday.” • Also share joy celebrate wins to refuel the tank Move 3: Treat empathy as a skill It’s trainable. Build emotional balance: shift from absorbing pain → generating care. Try brief compassion meditation (“May you be safe, well, at ease.”) and pre-regulate before tough conversations. Mini audit after tough chats Ask yourself: • How much did I feel with vs. care for? • What do they need long-term? • What will I do to help this week? A simple script 1. Validate: “I can see why this stings.” 2. Future: “Success looks like X.” 3. Action: “Let’s do Y by [date]; I’ll support with Z.” Team rituals that sustain you • Start meetings with “What help do you need?” • Normalize asking for support • Micro-celebrate progress weekly • Protect recovery blocks on calendars Self-compassion + tuned concern + practice = sustainable empathy. What’s one habit you’ll try this week to protect your energy and support your team?

I spent a decade sacrificing everything for my first company (health, family, even my honeymoon). Now, as a dad of three, I'm building my 2nd company completely differently. Here's how: == I used to work 16-hour days, weekends, and holidays. Now? • I work 8-5. • I don’t work weekends. • I take a month-long family trip every summer. Here’s how I made it happen: == 1. Redefine success. During my first startup, success meant hustle and hyper-growth at any cost. Now, success is about building a business that: • Lasts 50+ years. • Stays profitable from day one. • Protects my health and relationships. == 2. Set non-negotiable boundaries. I made a rule when I started @useonward: I work 8-5, Monday through Friday. That’s it. Busyness is no longer a badge of honor. Setting boundaries make you sharper, more creative, and more present as a leader. == 3. Choose a business model that aligns with your life. I picked B2B SaaS because it’s: • High-margin, low-cost, scalable. • Free from the relentless pace of retail or DTC. • Purely remote—no office, no commute. == 4. Go all-in on remote work. Tools like @loom, @NotionHQ, and @asana allow us to: • Document processes async. • Communicate clearly & concisely. • Build process & systems that run without me. The goal? A business that doesn’t depend on me 24/7. == 5. Optimize for longevity, not burnout. During my first company, there were no days off. Now, it’s about properly integrating family & work. Take the long family trip - empower your team but stay on top things. Burnout isn’t proof of dedication. It’s a leadership failure. == 6. Give yourself permission to build differently. The old me would’ve called these boundaries lazy. But here’s the truth: boundaries make you better. The goal isn’t to grind endlessly. It’s to create a company that works for you—not the other way around. == Building a startup doesn’t have to mean sacrificing your health, family, or happiness. Follow Josh Payne for lessons on scaling profitably, creating balance, and building a business you love.

This may be vulnerable to admit. But I think it’s important to say out loud: It can get lonely at the top. Yes, even for leaders. SHRM data shows 1 in 5 directors and above say they struggle to confide in others about challenges they face at work. Nearly as many say they lack real guidance or support in their own career development. We MUST take this as a wake-up call. Growth doesn’t stop when you get the title. Leadership, at every level, is still a deeply human experience. We also found something else: Workers with a mentor or sponsor are more motivated to push through challenges: 🔹 54% with a mentor feel that drive. 🔹 Just 35% without one do. This proves we need a culture of support at EVERY level—especially the top. So here’s my challenge to fellow leaders: Don’t just be the person who got help. Be the person who gives it. Mentorship costs little. But the return? Stronger leaders. Stronger teams. Stronger organizations. #SHRM #HR #HumanResources #Leadership #Mentorship #ExecutiveSupport #PeopleStrategy #CareerGrowth #CHRO #FutureOfWork

These 8 behaviours separate the good from the great: Most leaders get emotional intelligence wrong. I did too, for years. I confused it for: ❌ Never showing frustration ❌ Always keeping the peace ❌ Being everyone's best friend It's about: ✅ Creating space for tough convos (but having them) ✅ Being in control of how you react ✅ Being open (but not oversharing) Here are 8 ways the best show their emotional intelligence: 1/ They ask for the hard truth. ↳ "What's one thing I could have done better?" after every project. ↳ Track feedback patterns, fix them. 2/ They make small promises count. ↳ Follow through, especially on tiny commitments. ↳ Can't deliver? Flag it before they chase you. 3/ They absorb pressure (without spreading it). ↳ Take deep breaths before responding under pressure. ↳ If you're overwhelmed, say, "Let’s regroup in 5 minutes.” 4/ They set boundaries with grace. ↳ Replace "no" with "I can help tomorrow at 2". ↳ Exit overrun meetings with a short apology. 5/ They listen like a detective. ↳ Listen to understand first. Respond after reflecting. ↳ Assume good intent even if the delivery is bad. 6/ They show their human side. ↳ Share lessons from recent mistakes in team meetings. ↳ Admit when you don't know something. 7/ They choose their responses carefully. ↳ People’s reactions are about them, not you. ↳ Separate the message from the tone, focus on what’s useful. 8/ They chase growth relentlessly. ↳ Say, “That’s on me. Here’s how I’ll fix it.” No excuses. ↳ If you misread a situation, admit it and adjust quickly. The truth is: Emotional intelligence isn’t talking about your feelings all day. It’s using them to move forward. P.S. What’s the most common sign of high emotional intelligence to you? — Visual Inspo: Justin Wright — ♻ Repost to help your network lead the right way. ➕ Follow me (Will McTighe) for more like this.

Memoirs of a Gully Boys Episode 37: #EmotionalIntelligence – The Key to Meaningful Leadership Leadership isn’t just about strategy and execution; it’s about understanding, connecting with, and inspiring people. Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize and manage not only your emotions but also those of others. Over the years, I’ve learned that while technical skills can get you started, it’s emotional intelligence that keeps you ahead. Leading with Empathy During a critical system overhaul, one of my most skilled team members began missing deadlines and appearing disengaged. Instead of reprimanding him, I called for a private conversation. It turned out he was struggling with a personal issue that was affecting his focus. Rather than pushing harder, I offered him flexibility and reassigned some tasks to lighten his load. Within weeks, his performance rebounded, and his gratitude translated into renewed dedication to the project. Lesson 1: Empathy isn’t a weakness in leadership—it’s the strength that builds loyalty and trust. The Art of Active Listening In a client negotiation years ago, tensions were high due to differing expectations. The meeting began with both sides defensive and unwilling to compromise. Instead of countering every point, I focused on actively listening to their concerns without interrupting. Once they felt heard, their stance softened, and we found common ground to move forward. That day, I realized that listening is not just about hearing words—it’s about understanding emotions, intentions, and the bigger picture. Lesson 2: Active listening dissolves barriers and creates pathways for collaboration. Regulating Emotions in High-Stress Situations During a complex software migration, an unexpected system failure triggered panic among stakeholders. As the project lead, I felt the pressure mounting. However, instead of reacting impulsively, I paused, analyzed the situation, and communicated a clear action plan. Keeping emotions in check not only reassured the team but also set the tone for a calm and focused recovery effort. The project was back on track within days, and the team’s confidence grew as a result. Lesson 3: Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings—it’s about channeling them effectively to lead under pressure. The Power of Recognition Emotional intelligence also lies in recognizing and appreciating people’s contributions. During a grueling project, I made it a point to acknowledge every team member’s effort, no matter how small. The simple act of recognition boosted morale and created a sense of shared ownership. When the project was completed successfully, the celebration felt more collective than individual—a testament to the power of emotional intelligence in fostering unity. Lesson 4: Recognition fuels motivation and strengthens connections within teams. Closing Thoughts Emotional intelligence is the bridge between leadership and humanity. To be continued...

I’ve found myself navigating meetings when a colleague or team member is emotionally overwhelmed. One person came to me like a fireball, angry and frustrated. A peer had triggered them deeply. After recognizing that I needed to shift modes, I took a breath and said, “Okay, tell me what's happening.” I realized they didn’t want a solution. I thought to myself: They must still be figuring out how to respond and needed time to process. They are trusting me to help. I need to listen. In these moments, people often don’t need solutions; they need presence. There are times when people are too flooded with feelings to answer their own questions. This can feel counterintuitive in the workplace, where our instincts are tuned to solve, fix, and move forward. But leadership isn’t just about execution; it’s also about emotional regulation and providing psychological safety. When someone approaches you visibly upset, your job isn’t to immediately analyze or correct. Instead, your role is to listen, ground the space, and ensure they feel heard. This doesn't mean abandoning accountability or ownership; quite the opposite. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to engage openly in dialogue. The challenging part is balancing reassurance without minimizing the issue, lowering standards, or compromising team expectations. There’s also a potential trap: eventually, you'll need to shift from emotional containment to clear, kind feedback. But that transition should come only after the person feels genuinely heard, not before. Timing matters. Trust matters. If someone is spinning emotionally, be the steady presence. Be the one who notices. Allow them to guide the pace. Then, after the storm passes, and only then, you can invite reflection and growth. This is how you build a high-trust, high-performance culture: one conversation, one moment of grounded leadership at a time.

When a leader is emotionally out of control, can the business thrive? The consequences of lacking emotional management tools are massive. I found myself with ❌ more negative emotions ❌ strained relationships ❌ decreased productivity. Since 1997, I discovered there are subtle and powerful ways to manage these emotions: submodalities - a concept rooted in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) that shows promise for emotional regulation... if mastered well. Where my emotions were concerned, I used to think 💔 I had no control 💔 that events dictated my life and 💔 if it was a bad day there was nothing I could do about it. After I learnt about submodalities, I could ✅ shift a bad day into a more fulfilling one ✅ get a grip on my overwhelming emotions ✅ make better decisions that could transform my situation. Submodalities are finer distinctions within our sensory experiences. Think of them as a mental menu control like those you have for a computer display screen. They allow us to ✅ respond well to negative triggers ✅ amplify positive experiences ✅ become more mindful about our patterns of behavior ✅ craft better mental habits. You can shift from ➡ anger to calmness ➡ anxiety to confidence ➡ sadness to gratitude ➡ frustration to empathy by adjusting how you internally represent them, enabling you to be the master of your own emotional world. Let's explore some known submodalities across the three primary sensory channels. Visual Submodalities Brightness: Is the image bright or dim? Color: Is it in color or black and white? Distance: Is it close or far away? Size: How large or small is the image? Focus: Is it clear or blurry? Auditory Submodalities Volume: Is the sound loud or soft? Pitch: Is it high-pitched or low-pitched? Tempo: Is it fast or slow? Location: Where is the sound coming from? Tone: Is it harsh or gentle? Kinesthetic Submodalities Location in the body: Where do you feel the emotion resides somatically? Temperature: Is it warm or cool? Texture: Is it smooth or rough? Pressure: Is it light or heavy? Movement: Is it still or moving? (check my newsletter this weekend for a downloadable PDF) Here's what's possible: When you look at a situation that is dire and desperate... rather than amplifying the deperation with -negative self-talk -loud internal volume -focusing only on the desperation You're likely to amplify the idea that you are at wits end. Conversely, even if that situation is dire and desperate, you can -shift to a calm mental voice -regulate the internal volume and -focus on ways you can turn this around. These adjustments alter your emotional response. I'm Stuart Tan and have been licensed by NLP founder Dr. Richard Bandler to certify NLP Practitioners, Master Practitioners and Coaches since 1997. Learn more in my newsletter this weekend, where I'll dive deeper into practical techniques within Perception Dynamics for personal wellbeing and executive presence.

The Resilience Rewire Toolkit: 5 Reps to Train the Mind That Doesn't Break You've read the mindset shifts. Now comes the real test: Can you train for chaos before it arrives? Resilience isn't built in chaos. It's built in calm through daily reps. Yes. Here's how. 1. Replace memorization with creativity Weekly Zero-Google Challenge → Choose a real challenge. → Solve it with just your brain, pen, and paper. No tech, no search. → 15 minutes. No distractions. One founder I mentored used this to redesign an AI chatbot flow. The results beat the old "best practices" version. 2. Replace following instructions with critical thinking "Why This Way?" Habit → Ask this for every task: What's the real goal here? Is this the only way to get there? What happens if we challenge the method? You shift from executor to problem-solver. That's what leaders are built from. 3. Replace compliance with independence Power Hour: No Permission Needed → Once a week, do one thing you believe will add value without asking anyone. → Launch that internal tool. Start that draft. Redesign that ugly doc. → Own the risk. Most wait for approval. Builders take action and refine later. 4. Replace academic success with emotional resilience Bounce-Back Journal → When you fail, get rejected, or mess up. Write 4 lines: - What happened - What emotion showed up - What I learned - What I'll do differently This is how you rewire failure into fuel, not fear. 5. Replace perfect planning with adaptability Plan B Mondays → Once a week, break your own workflow. → Choose a faster, messier, or reverse method to complete one task. → Analyze what held, what cracked. Adaptability isn't built during chaos. It's rehearsed in safety. Rehearse now. So you're ready when the storm hits. These aren't hacks. They're mental reps for a world that rarely goes to plan. Pick one rep this week. Do it. Then ask yourself: Did I freeze, or did I flex?

Leadership is a delicate dance between empathy and authority. Too much empathy, and you risk “ruinous empathy” — caring so deeply about others' feelings that you avoid setting boundaries. Too much authority, and you risk becoming rigid and reactive, losing the trust of your team. Great leaders find balance. They lead with both compassion and clarity, setting firm boundaries while staying connected. Take, for instance, a female executive I worked with. She set clear expectations for her team’s project deadlines, only to be labeled “oppressive.” Despite her thoughtful and open approach, the pushback left her questioning her leadership style. But when we reframed boundaries as an act of care for herself and her team, she found her footing. Over time, trust and respect grew, and her leadership strengthened. This challenge is common. Leaders often face stricter limits on how they can use power. When they set boundaries, they may encounter resistance fueled by deep-seated psychological defenses: • Projection: Team members assign their discomfort with authority onto the leader. • Splitting: The leader is seen as either nurturing or “bad” for holding boundaries. • Deflection: The focus shifts from accountability to blaming leadership. • Minimization: The leader’s needs are downplayed to maintain the status quo. So, how do you lead with both heart and strength? Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers a powerful approach: 1. Observe Without Judgment: “I’ve noticed our meetings often run over time.” 2. Express Feelings: “I feel overwhelmed when this happens.” 3. State Needs: “I need us to stay within the allotted time.” 4. Make a Request: “Can we agree to limit discussions to 10 minutes per agenda item?” Regulating your nervous system is also key. Leaders prone to people-pleasing can experience fawn responses in conflict. To stay grounded: • Pause and Breathe: Activate your parasympathetic nervous system. • Ground Yourself: Feel your feet on the floor. • Validate Yourself: Remind yourself that boundaries are an act of care. • Seek Support: Talk to mentors or peers when pushback feels overwhelming. Boundaries aren’t barriers; they’re the foundation of healthy leadership. The best leaders create environments where both accountability and compassion thrive. Where do you struggle with balancing empathy and authority? —- 📌 Want to become the best LEADERSHIP version of yourself in the next 30 days? 🧑💻Book 1:1 Growth Strategy call with me: https://lnkd.in/gVjPzbcU #Leadership #Empathy #Boundaries #Management #Teamwork

"I can’t afford to show my team how I really feel." I hear this a lot from leaders - especially those who care deeply about their people. They believe that showing stress, uncertainty, or doubt would only make things worse. So they keep it in. They stay “strong.” They put on the armor. But here’s the paradox: 🦾 When you armor up to protect your team, you often end up doing the opposite. - You block trust. - You create distance. - You make it harder for others to speak up or be real themselves. 🧠 There’s a psychological concept for this: Affective Presence. It’s the emotional atmosphere we bring into the room - the way people feel around us, regardless of what we say. Even if you don’t talk about your anxiety, your team still senses it. Humans are wired that way. And when leaders hide what’s real, it creates tension and confusion, not safety. 💡 What to do about it - NAME IT: “This is tough, and I feel pressure too, but we’ll get through it together” When leaders name what they’re feeling in a calm and grounded way: tension releases. Connection builds. People relax and they engage. 🧠 This is Co-Regulation - a key ingredient of psychological safety. When the leader brings openness and calm, the team feels more secure. And safety is the foundation of high performance and inclusive leadership. So next time you feel like hiding your stress to protect your team, consider this: 👉 Your honesty might be the very thing that unlocks their performance. P.S. Have you ever experienced a leader whose calm honesty made you feel safer? I’d love to hear what kind of affective presence has shaped your experience at work. --------------------------------- 👋 New here? Welcome! I'm Susanna. I help organizations with high-performing, inclusive leadership and culture by fostering psychological safety.